She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
