I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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