I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
