he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
