We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
