I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just had sex on a roof
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
