mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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