Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
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does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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