i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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