Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The dick lei will go down in squad history
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
