I think I won the penis lottery.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need moral support for this bender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The adults are the big ones right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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