I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
