there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You smell like stripper and shame
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
