well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
