my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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