Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
