My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
