There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
