My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
