dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
