the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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