we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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