My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
