take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
