she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
