That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
