My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
