My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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