I will die if light touches me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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