somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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