Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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