On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
