ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
