the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
