TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
