shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it hurts more in the daytime
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
