There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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