When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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