dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
His nipple licking is glorious
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