i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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