I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
