My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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