im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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