Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize