she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Still dying that you shit outside
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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