Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.

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(520): View more from Arizona

There was a lot of him and a little penis

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter

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(207): View more from Maine

he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead

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(703): View more from Virginia

just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?

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(517): View more from Michigan

And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.

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(716): View more from New York

I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.

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