How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
