Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
