I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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