He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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