I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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