So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
