So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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