New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
