Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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