I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
