Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
