sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
