My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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