So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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