I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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