I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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