i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
