How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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