remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
